I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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