I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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