so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize