why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
