gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
