Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
we made out on top of his cat.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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