In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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