dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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