ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
