i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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