It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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