there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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