:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
