she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
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