If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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