He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i dont even know how to be here
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
