there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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