My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
