ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
