it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
