oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
