She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
