Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
