I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
