There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
