He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize