you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Are we still banned from the library?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
