he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
