areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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