His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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