I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
