you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
