I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
