I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
