well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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