i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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