Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
