Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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