Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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