I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
