Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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