sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
