I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize