i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
