I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
