I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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