You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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