I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize