that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
do herpes really smell.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
