Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
