Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
sarcasm needs its own font
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
