I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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