Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
