Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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