I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
