i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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