I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize