I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
