Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
