I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
