I just made out with a guy for $7.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
