Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
