my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
