she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
They have beer where we have blood.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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