final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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