google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
