Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
