A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm always down for nudity.
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