i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
