I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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