i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
