if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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